"The essence of all art is to have pleasure in giving pleasure."
|
| |
Drug Addiction Treatment Centers: A Fresh Start
You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the resource box is included, and you do not take credit as the author. You must send a courtesy copy of your publication or a website link to, ...
Food Addiction
Food Addiction: A Craving You Can't Seem to Control You may overdose on potato chips or tortilla chips once in a while, but would you consider yourself to be a food addict? The answer is important, because it could be the key to determining what course ...
Smoking - Making a Fool of Yourself
Whenever you talk with a smoker and advise him/her to quit smoking, he/she will give thousands of reasons of unable to quit smoking. For Instance, they consider smoking as a thing that helps in de-stressing from anxiety. On the other hand, it is ...
|
|
|
|
| |
For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com
Title: Addiction to Complaining
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul
URL: http://www.innerbonding.com
Word Count: 723
Category: Self Improvement
Addiction to Complaining
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Complaining is a way of life for some people. It was certainly a way of life for my mother. I don't remember a day going by without her complaining, endlessly. I don't think I ever heard a word of gratitude out of my mother's mouth. No matter how good things were, she would manage to find something wrong. No matter how perfect I was – and God knows I tried to be perfect! – she always found something wrong with me, as well as with my father.
Over the years of counseling others, I've noticed that some people start every session with a complaint. They can't seem to help it. Like my mother, they are addicted to complaining.
Why do people complain? What is it they want or hope for when they complain?
People who complain are generally people who have not done the emotional and spiritual work of developing a loving, compassionate inner adult self. They are operating as a wounded child in need of love, attention and compassion. Because they have not learned to give themselves the attention and compassion they need, they seek to get these needs met by others. Complaining is a way they have learned to attempt to get this. They use complaining as a form of control, hoping to guilt others into giving them the attention, caring and compassion they seek.
Complaining is a "pull" on other people. Energetically, complainers are pulling on others for caring and understanding because they have emotionally abandoned themselves. They are like demanding little children. The problem is that most people dislike being pulled on and demanded of. Most people don't want emotional responsibility for another person and will withdraw in the face of another's complaints.
This is what my father did. He withdrew, shut down, was emotionally unavailable to my mother as a way to protect himself from being controlled by her complaints. Of course, he didn't just do this in response to my mother. He had learned to withdraw as a child in response to his own mother's complaints and criticism. He entered the marriage ready to withdraw in the face of my mother's pull, while she entered the marriage ready to make my father emotionally responsible for her. A perfect match!
My father's withdrawal, of course, only served to exacerbate my mother's complaining, and she constantly complained about my father's lack of caring about her. Likewise, my mother's complaining served to exacerbate my father's already withdrawn way of being. This vicious circle started early and continued unabated for the 60 years of their marriage, until my mother died.
While my parents loved each other, their ability to express their love got buried beneath the dysfunctional system they created. Unfortunately, this is all too common in relationships. One person pulling – with complaints, anger, judgment, and other forms of control - and the other withdrawing, is the most common relationship system I work with.
A person addicted to complaining will not be able to stop complaining until he or she does the inner work of developing an adult part of themselves capable of giving themselves the love, caring, understanding and compassion they need. As long as they believe that it is another's responsibility to be the adult for them and fill them with love, they will not take on this responsibility for themselves.
Our inner child – the feeling part of us – needs attention, approval, caring. If we don't learn to give this to ourselves, then this wounded child part of ourselves will either seek to get it from others, or learn to numb out with substance and process addictions – food, alcohol, drugs, TV, work, gambling, and so on. If, as a child, a person saw others get attention through complaining – as my mother did with my grandmother – and if complaining worked for the child to get what he or she wanted, then it can become an addiction. Like all addictions, it may work for the moment, but it will never fill the deep inner need for love. Only we can fill this need for ourselves, by opening our hearts to the Source of love. Only we can do the inner work of developing a loving adult capable of opening to the love of Spirit and bringing that love to the child within. People stop complaining when they learn to fill themselves with love.
About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Teens busted with pot get unique punishments - KSDK
ST. LOUIS (AP) -- A St. Louis court is helping teens avoid detention with treatment and rehabilitation. Behind the effort is St. Louis City Family Court's unique Marijuana Misdemeanor Court. For example, recently Commissioner Michael Noble ordered ...
National Addictions Awareness Week this week - Melfort Journal
Addictions are a problem that have a wide variety of issues entailed. The week of Nov. 17 to Nov. 21 is National Addictions Awareness Week. The Marguerite Riel Centre and the Kelsey Trail Mental Health and Addictions Services will be hosting a number ...
Former MĂ©tis addictions council officials charged - CBC News
Two former directors of the MĂ©tis Addictions Council of Saskatchewan have been charged with defrauding the organization. Albert Joseph Delaire, 52, of Saskatoon has been charged with 11 counts of fraud over $5,000 and one count of forgery. In a news ...
New judge battled cocaine, alcohol addictions - Brownsville Herald
HOUSTON (AP) - The devil tattooed on Kevin Fine's upper arm holds a razor blade, a mirror and an eight ball symbolizing cocaine. His forearm sports a tattoo of Jesus holding up a man who has collapsed amid the waves of a massive storm. Elected by ...
A good example of how to serve - Winona Daily News
It seems implausible that Mike Pellowski would die of a failed heart. This friend had the biggest heart of anyone I knew. He would do anything anyone asked of him. He didn’t have to know them well, only to know that there was a need. He spread ...
Former Metis Addictions Council Directors Charged with Fraud - News Talk650
The RCMP say two former directors of the Metis Addiction Council of Saskatchewan are facing fraud charges. 52-year-old Albert Joseph Delaire is charged with 11 counts of fraud over $5,000, two under $5,000, and a count of forgery. Police accuse ...
Maya's Bio - Bleacherreport.com
Anyways, still working on some computer problems, but let me give you an idea of what I am doing. Right now I am waist deep in research and getting ready to write a biography of Red Wings forward Darren McCarty, who as I am sure you know, battled ...
|
