"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, from all let this be heard. Some does it with a bitter look, some with a flattering word. The coward does it with a kiss the brave man with the sword."
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MODELS OF IADClinical research on behavioral addictions has focused on compulsive gambling (8), overeating (11), and compulsive sexual behavior (12). Similar addiction models have been applied to technological overuse (24), computer dependency (25) and ...
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The biggest reason we don't quit doing something we wish we could is fear! If you think you're addicted to porn and have failed to take action it's probably because you are afraid. It's healthy to admit that you are afraid, worried or anxious. To do so ...
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If you see a little of yourself in this message, you're not alone. Tens of thousands of people describe themselves as sugar addicts. They believe if it were only for that one thing, then they could reach their weight loss goals. If you believe only one thing stands in your way of losing weight, consider this: What if that one thing (an addiction to sugar for instance) were gone? Do you really believe, "If I could get past this, there is no doubt that I will reach my goal," or is it an easy excuse to stay stuck?
If I told you I could show you a way to stop craving sugar, would you want me to show you how? Think about that for a few minutes. Close your eyes and really think about it. You've said that is the answer and the only obstacle standing in your way. What if that one obstacle were removed? Would it solve the problem? How would your life change if that one obstacle were no longer an issue for you?
Would you eat differently, and if so how?
Would you act differently, and if so how?
What else would change, and what would stay the same?
Until you know what you want, know that you can achieve what you want, and know how your life will be different when you obtain what you want, you won't discover if there are any obstacles that first must be considered. For instance, you may want to stop eating dinner after 7 PM, yet your husband comes home at 8 PM and expects you to join him for dinner. That's an obstacle. If you don't overcome that obstacle through discussion and compromise with your husband, there's bound to be a problem. Determining in advance what might stand in the way, helps you achieve your goals more quickly.
The statement that "if this one thing were handled, then everything else would fall into place" is the type that gets people in trouble. They want a fairy godmother to make it all better. Holding a strong belief that one single thing (eatings sugar) holds the key, sets you up to fail. Especially if you particularly like eating sugar. Getting a handle on your cravigs is not an all-or-nothing proposition. You must leave room for occasional deviations. It's not the occasional side trip that gets us in trouble but the road we usually travel.
In the practice of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) one common exercise in known as establishing a Well Formed Outcome. "Well formed" meaning it meets all the criteria of a well thought out end result. Here are the steps to deteremining a well formed outcome:
1) State what you want (not what you do not want).
2) Determine whether you can achieve it (do you believe it is possible?).
3) What resources do you have and what do you need (time, money, space, clothing, equipment).
4) Check whether anyone else is involved and any potential obstacles that may come up regarding others.
5) Picture yourself "as if" you've obtained what you say you want and decide if that picture fits.
6) Putting together a plan of action for the achievement of your outcome.
While it may seem like a lot of effort simply to decide what you really want, going through these steps help you determine what potential obstacles there may be. If you decide you want to join a gym and start exercising every day but forget you don't own a car and just lost your job, that plan might not work out. Better to look at it from every angle, then put together a plan you know can work and will work. By deciding what you want, it becomes much easier to take the necessary steps to make it become a reality.
Whether you want to overcome your addiction to sugar or you want to learn to swim, it all starts with this process, first determining what you really want and then a series of steps to be sure it's a good fit for you. Try this process no matter what decision you are making and you'll easily discover obstacles that you can handle first thereby ensuring better success overall!
This process is called "Achieving a Well Formed Outcome" and is one of the sessions in the Ending Emotional Eating 8-Week Workshop. You can also find more information on this popular and well known NLP process by searching for "NLP Well Formed Outcome" in your favorite search engine.
About the Author
~~ Kathryn Martyn, M.NLP, EFT coach and author of Changing Beliefs, Your First Step to Permanent Weight Loss lost 80 pounds over 17 years ago. Learn how she lost the weight and maintains that weight loss at http://www.OneMoreBite-Weightloss.com
The "The Daily Bites" http://www.onemorebite-weightloss.com/getnews.html for motivating mini-lessons and tips using EFT and NLP to end the weight loss struggle.
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